A horrible mess
by Genevieve Sente
Summary: This is a cry against Harry Potter fanfics with unlikely romances and Mary Sues. If you don't like, don't read. A parody to the typical Harry Potter fanfic - very exaggerated. R and R please...*CHAPTER 4 IS UP!*
1. Chapter 1

I'm generally anti-fanfic, so here I wrote a parody to one. About Mary Sues and all those crazy things people make up about the characters. Not trying to make fun of the actual book, just of the stuff that people write about it.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hermione, I don't own Ron, I don't own Harry Potter, I don't own the setting, I don't own any of the characters, I don't own J.K. Rowling, I don't own my (almost nonexistent) life, I don't own my handwriting, I don't own…. Sorry, got a little carried away there. But you get the point 

(A girl walks onto Platform Nine And Three Quarters. All the guys turn to stare at her, as she walks over to Harry. She grabs his hand and shakes it firmly.)

Girl: Hi. I see you're the famous Harry Potter. Nice to meet you. 

(Harry is in a trance, unable to answer. Hermione decides to answer for him.)

Hermione: You too. What's your name?

Girl (with a smile that makes Harry drool): My name is Mary Sue Betterthanyou! You must be Hermione Granger!

Hermione (bewildered): How did you know?

Mary Sue: Oh, I'm psychic. Plus I'm a vampire, and I'm half-elven, and part siren, and an unregistered Animagi. Plus I'm McGonagal's daughter, Draco's girlfriend, telepathic, from another planet, a seeker for Britain's Quidditch team, AND I can speak every language in the universe. (lol) Oh, and did I Mention I'm a veela too? 

Harry (still drooling): Wow…

(The train whistle blows and everyone boards the train, sitting in the compartment with Hermione and Neville. Harry and Ron do nothing else but talk about Mary Sue. Now let's fast forward a little, there we see all the people getting off the train. Here we see them ride to Hogwarts after a big fight over who will sit with Mary Sue. Here we see Mary Sue doing a spell that no one else knows to make her carriage go faster than all the others. We see Mary Sue being sorted into Slytherin, Draco grinning triumphantly, Dumbledor letting Mary Sue become a fifth-year even though she's new, and other lovely things that we want to skip over and move on to more interesting stuff. Like Mary Sue's first Potions class. Since Slytherin has Potions with - SURPRISE! - Gryffindor, we'll get to see Malfoy showing her off to Potter and Weasley, and all that fun stuff. So here it is. The potions class.)

Snape (pacing the room): so I welcome you to yet another year at Hogwarts. For some of you (looong stare at Mary Sue) it will be your first. By the way, Professor Dumbledor asked me to announce that your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher will be (Big Surprise!) Mary Sue Betterthanyou! 

Harry: Wooow….

Hermione: Too bad Lockhart's gone. They'd make the perfect couple.

Ron: Hey, how long has it been since you liked Lockhart?

(Hermione doesn't answer. The rest of the Potions class is uneventful except that everyone sees Snape smile for the first time - at Mary Sue.)

(Now it's time for some romance. Why? Well, because every Harry Potter fanfic has to have some romance. Unlikely romance, of course. So while me and you are sitting here chatting happily, Ron has fallen hopelessly in love with Professor McGonnagal, Draco Malfoy is secretly dating Snape, Hermione blushes every time she sees Hagrid, and Harry is spending some quality time with the Golden Snitch. Ginny mourns over the dead basilisk, and Neville keeps a picture of Lockhart under his pillow.)

(Okay, now we've got some unlikely romance and a Mary Sue in Hogwarts. Is that all? Something seems to be missing. What could that be? Hm… OH! I know! A plot!! I almost forgot I needed one! It has to be a crazy one, no doubt. Right? I guess with all my unlikely romances that won't be too hard. But… there's still something… oh right! I'm supposed to have chapters! Hey, I'm getting the hang of this! So, this is the end of my first chapter.)

WARNING: There WILL be another chapter. More unlikely romances and strange things. So beware. It's not over yet. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!


	2. Chapter 2

Wow! Here we are with yet another chapter of my wonderful Mary Sue story, with unlikely romances. Oh, wait… I have to be all professional, with a disclaimer and all, right? Aha, I'm getting good at this.

DISCLAIMER: I don't intend on claiming any ownership for JK's characters. They are not mine. All that's mine is this story. Well… Mary Sue Betterthanyou is mine too, but I wish she wasn't. 

Mary Sue: Shut up and start writing.

(Okay. That's over with. Now we can continue our story, that now will actually have a plot. Besides Mary Sue being Draco's girlfriend, she is also cheating on him with every guy in the school. Except Harry, that is. He remains committed to the Snitch. Ron also tries his best to stay faithful to the love of his life, but it's harder for him than Harry, because unlike Harry's Golden Snitch, McGonagall never shows any signs of affection. As for Malfoy, he is successfully - for now - leading a double life, switching back and forth between dating Mary Sue and spending his evenings in the dungeons with Professor Snape. The rest of the people remain just as I have described in Chapter 1. Until one, horrible, horrible day. It all started in - SURPRISE! - Potions class.)

(Snape paces the room in his age-old habit.)

Snape: Since there are a few minutes left before the end of class, I will take this time to tell you about something that might benefit you. Lately, under the agreement of Professor Albus Dumbledor, I have been devising a potion that should make two people who drink it switch bodies for… (he hesitated) a given amount of time. It is almost like the Polyjuice potion, except it works for a longer period of time and acts on both people who drink it and not just one. If there are any among you who are brave enough (looong stare at Malfoy) to try it (loong stare at Harry) and help me find out if it works, then they should come here any time this week during lunch to join the experiment. Their house will be awarded 50 points.

(Mary Sue jumps up.)

Mary Sue: May I? May I?

Snape (giving her a death look): No. We don't want to lose yet another Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. (She sits down, disappointed.)

(Class ends. Later, in the hallway, we hear very curious conversations.)

Ron: I think you and I should do it, Harry. (Someone passing by gives them a stare. Ron notices and quickly adds) Snape's potion, I mean. 

(Harry gives him his best what-the-heck-is-your-problem look)

Harry: Are you crazy? This is probably just what he's hoping for! If we show up, he'll poison us!

Ron (desperately waving his arms): Sshh! He'll hear you!

(Harry calms down)

Harry: Besides, I can't today. I have a rendez-vous with the Sn-- I mean, that girl I met at Hogsmeade today at lunch.

Ron: Oh, ok. 

(Suddenly, Hermione elbows Ron, and they both turn to see her giggling.)

Hermione: Listen to Malfoy over there.

(Somewhere in the back and to the right of them they hear the familiar, unmistakable drawl.)

Malfoy (in a complaining voice): I've got a stupid Muggle song stuck in my head! (everyone laughs) It's driving me crazy! (Singing) "Underneath your clothes…" AH! Stupid song! 

(Mary Sue giggles)

Mary Sue: Oh, I know that one. I traveled all over the world and when we were in the U.S…. (They walk off)

Ron: Ha ha, that's pretty funny. Malfoy with a Muggle song stuck in his head.

(At lunch, Harry quickly gobbles his food, so that he could go see "The girl he met at Hogsmeade". Suddenly, they hear a flutter of wings.)

Neville: Mail!

(Harry's owl drops a piece of parchment in front of him. Ron reads the letter over Harry's shoulder. Let's see… 

__

Mr. Potter,

Please join me in the dungeons tomorrow, September 12. There is something I must discuss with you. 

__

~Professor Snape

Ron: I wonder what he wants to talk to you about.

(Harry shrugs)

Hermione: I hope it's not about the potion.

Harry: Yeah. I do too.

*~*~*

(The next day at lunch, Harry goes into the dungeons to talk to Snape.)

Snape: So, I called you down today to talk about the potion. If you remember, two people have to drink it to switch bodies. Since no one else volunteered, I called you.

Harry (looks around): So who's the second person?

Snape: Me.

(Harry's eyes widen.)

Harry: So I have to switch bodies with YOU?

Snape: Yes. Don't worry, it's not too bad. 

Harry: NO! (He runs out. Snape chases after him. They run to the Great Hall, where students are having lunch. Everyone looks up to see Snape running in his long robes, almost tripping, after a terrified Harry.)

Snape: It's… nothing… serious! I JUST WANT YOUR BODY!

(Malfoy jumps up.)

Malfoy: I thought you loved ME, Professor!

(Snape glares at him while he runs. Mary Sue jumps up.)  
Mary Sue: (To Malfoy) What?! You're MY boyfriend, remember? 

Malfoy (catches himself): Oh… yeah… Haha, I meant, go get him, Professor. 

(Everyone glares at him even more. Confused, Malfoy sits down. To get himself out of the embarrassing situation, he switches the subject. Snape and Harry continue running.)

Malfoy: Can you believe it? I STILL have that stupid Muggle song stuck in my head from yesterday. (everyone laughs).

(At that time, Harry and Snape stop on the opposite sides of the Slytherin table. Neither moves. Both breathe heavily. Harry realizes that he's had the misfortune to stop right behind Malfoy.)

Malfoy (turns to him): Hey, Potter. Got yourself in a fix, didn't you?

Harry: Shut your mouth, Malfoy. 

(Malfoy shrugs and starts singing under his breath.)

Malfoy (singing): Underneath your clothes… 

(Harry screams and starts backing away from him. He backs right into… Voldemort)

(Everyone sees Voldemort and screams. Dumbledor jumps up.)

Dumbledor: What are you doing here??

Voldemort (shrugs): I don't know. I'm supposed to always come in at SOME point in the story. 

Dumbledor: Go away!

Voldemort (gives him a hurt look): Why does everyone hate me? (starts crying) Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go it worms. 

(Everyone instantly feels sorry for Voldemort. They all get up to comfort him, patting him on the shoulder. Hagrid gives him a hug almost squeezing the life out of him. Hermione sees him do it and starts crying also. While everyone is hugging Voldemort, and Hermione, Snape catches Harry and pours the potion down his throat. Harry screams but it's too late. Everyone turns to see the wonderful transformation.)

Harry: Aaaah! I'll never get to see the Snitch again! (people exchange looks but he doesn't care.) Ron! Hermione! Someone help! (His voice by that time has already changed, and he looks and sounds exactly like Professor Snape. It's a straaange image.)

(Well… what happens next? I'll leave that to your imagination. Harry Potter will become Severus Snape. Since there is still no potion that is able to turn them back into their original… er… shapes, they will have to get used to their new surroundings. The new and improved Snape (the one that now looks like Harry) will go to Quidditch practice and be a seeker. The new and improved Harry will teach Potions class. Will he be a nicer teacher? Who knows. You decide.)

Well, thanks to everyone who has submitted reviews and asked me for another chapter, I'm afraid this horrible story will actually continue. Besides, the plot does need an ending, even though it's crazy like this. All right ::sigh:: I guess I'll have to continue. 


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: If my first two disclaimers didn't work for you and you STILL think I own something, you are mistaken. I OWN NOTHING! The setting, the characters, they all belong to J.K. Rowling. Now, get on with the story and DON'T SUE ME!

Okay, because my friend Rini Blackwood will kill me if I don't write another chapter (and because of all the requests) I'm forced to write it. Plus, I just realized that my plot, as crazy as it is, needs an ending.   
(Well, once the scandal in the Great Hall had somewhat quieted down, Voldemort, Snape, and Harry were called down to Dumbledore's office.)  
Dumbledore: Well, we have quite a big problem here, don't we?  
(Harry looks at Snape hatefully and Snape-that-now-looks-like-Harry hangs his head. Voldemort looks anxious.)  
Voldemort: You won't make me leave, will you, Headmaster?  
Dumbledore: No, no, Voldy. You can stay. You shall be lodged in the dungeons.   
Harry and Snape: DUNGEONS?  
Dumbledore (giving them a silencing look): Yes. Dungeons. Well, you may go now, Voldy.  
(Voldemort's face lights up with quiet joy and a tear rolls down his face.)  
Voldemort: Thank you, Headmaster! (sniff) I'm gonna have the most fun ever! And in the morning, I'm making waffles!  
(He walks out sniffling after hugging Dumbledore. Dumbledore then turns to face Harry and Snape.)  
Dumbledore: As for the two of you, I don't even know what to do. I am afraid that the delicate minds of our students were scarred by the transformation they were forced to witness.   
Harry (looking like Snape): THEIR minds were scarred? What about MY mind? How do you think I feel, having to…  
Dumbledore: Well, we might be able to fix that. Professor Snape, how long is your potion active for?  
Snape: Well… I never quite figured that out .I'm sure it's less than a year…  
Harry: A YEAR?! I have to stay like this for A WHOLE YEAR??  
Snape: Well…  
Dumbledore: Is there an antidote for this potion?  
Snape: Well…  
Harry: I HATE YOU!  
Dumbledore: Now, now, let's not be so harsh, Harry. There is no point in arguing right now. What we have to do is think of the future. Now, even though this is a tremendous scandal already, we should try to stop it from spreading any further. To do that, we will put memory charms on all the students who were in the Great Hall at the time or heard anything about what happened. To prevent any suspicions after that, Harry will have to teach potions class and you, Professor, will play Quidditch.  
Snape and Harry: But HOW?  
Dumbledore: Well, Professor Snape will have to prepare exact lesson plans in the morning. As for Quidditch… I'm sure he'll manage.   
Harry (groans): Gryffindor will never see a victory again.  
Snape (wickedly): I'm sure it won't.  
Dumbledore: Well, I'll let the two of you go now to resolve this between yourselves. (the two walk out)  
(They walk in silence to the dungeons. When they get there, they sit down to talk.)  
Harry: Okay. Now that you put both of us into this awful situation, I guess we'll have to deal with it. First, about you. If you purposely mess up my Quidditch games, I will mess up Potions class too.  
Snape: Ha ha ha! What can YOU do?  
Harry: I'll… I know! I'll jump around class smiling and handing out candy! Like this. (He demonstrates, as Snape watches, horrified.) Candy! Candy for all on this festive day! Pink bunnies! Rainbows! Isn't this a happy day! Rejoice! Party! No homework!  
Snape: Okay! Enough! Please stop! (Harry stops)  
Harry: Good. Also, every night you will have to sneak out and go to the Quidditch field to see the Snitch.  
Snape: The Snitch?  
Harry: Yup. The Golden Snitch. You release her from her box…  
Snape: Oh, God.  
Harry: I swear, if you mess anything up…  
Snape (gulps): Okay, okay. Now I have to tell YOU something. You see…  
(Suddenly Malfoy appears. He walks over to Harry.)  
Malfoy (To Harry): Weren't expecting me, were you, Professor?   
Harry: Err… what do you want, Malfoy?  
Malfoy: Oh, come, Severus. We are on first terms now.  
(In the corner, the real Snape lets out a faint squeak. Malfoy turns sharply, noticing him.)  
Malfoy (to Snape): And what are YOU doing here, Potter?   
Snape: I… I have detention.  
Malfoy (sharply): A little too early for detention. (To Harry): What is the meaning of this, Severus?  
Harry (puzzled at Malfoy's behavior): Well… we… err… we were…  
Malfoy: So this is it? You have betrayed me, haven't you, Severus?  
(Harry gulps, finally starting to understand what is going on and looks at Snape in shock.)  
Snape: I can explain! We…  
Malfoy: You shut your mouth, Potter! (turns to Harry): As for you, Professor (emphasizing the word "Professor"), you've got yourself an enemy.  
(Snape lets out another terrified squeak from the corner. Malfoy glares at him before walking out.)  
Harry (to Snape): What the…  
Snape: That's what I was about to tell you.  
Harry: You and Malfoy…?  
Snape (savagely): It's better than the Snitch!  
Harry: Oh don't you start about the Snitch!  
Snape: Well, you messed things up between me and Malfoy, so I'll mess things up between you and the Snitch!   
Harry: No you won't!   
Snape (evilly): Oh yes I will!  
Harry (wildly): Candy! Candy for all!  
Snape (clutches his ears and rocks back and forth): No! Spare me! Spare me!  
(Harry stops)  
Harry: Good. Now, you should go to the dormitory, or else you'll get in trouble for being out of bed at night, remember?  
Snape: yes… Yes that's right. I'm going.   
Harry: Don't forget to prepare lesson plans for me in the morning.  
Snape: All right. I will (He leaves).  
(Alone, Harry goes over the horrible day in his mind and sighs. He is suddenly sad. Never again would he be able to see his friends again. Hermione… Ron… Neville… the Snitch… He thinks about Quidditch and decides Gryffindor will never win again. He thinks about the events of the whole day, and a tear rolls down his cheek. He thinks about all the good times he spent with his friends, remembers their smiling faces… Not able to hold out any longer he buries his head in his hands and cries. His hair falls on his fingers… HIS hair? Oh, of course not. Professor Snape's hair. Ugh.)  
Harry: Well, at least I will wash my hair every day now that I have to be him.  
(Suddenly, Hagrid walks in. Harry jumps up happily.)  
Harry: Hagrid! Oh my gosh, Hagrid! I'm so glad to see you! I've had the worst day of my life! (He runs to Hagrid and hugs him.)  
Hagrid (after they hug): Professor… I never thought this day would come! (Harry looks confused, as Hagrid gets on one knee and pulls out a ring.) But come it did! Will you marry me, Severus?   
Harry: Err…

Hagrid: Please?  
Harry (gets hold of himself): No, no, Hagrid. Not today. I'm not ready for commitment, you see… But I will always love you as a friend.  
(Hagrid gets up, disappointed and puts away his ring. After a second, his face suddenly brightens.)  
Hagrid: Oh well. Never hurts to try. Now on to Harry. (The real Harry cringes.) What?   
Harry: Well, Hagrid you see… um… (suddenly gets an idea): you see, the legal age of consent…  
Hagrid (very disappointed): oh. Well, I'll have to wait a couple years then. Anyway, the reason I came here in the first place was that Dumbledore told me to tell you that there WILL be classes tomorrow and a Quidditch game the day after.  
Harry: A Quidditch game?  
Hagrid: Yes… Is there a problem?  
Harry (pale): No… No, there is no problem. Who is playing?  
Hagrid: Gryffindor vs. Slytherin of course!  
Harry (More pale): Oh… okay… you may go now, Hagrid. (Hagrid leaves.)  
Harry: What did I do to deserve this? (sighing he goes to bed.)  
………………………………………  
(The next day, Harry wakes up in his bed. Hardly opening his eyes, not quite realizing what he's doing, he goes to the bathroom. There, he quickly splashes cold water on his face, trying to wake up. Suddenly…)  
Mirror (flirting): Hey, Professor…  
Harry (puzzled): Professor?  
Mirror (giggling): Of course… that's what you are… unless you'd rather me call you Severus…  
(Harry finally opens his eyes in order to glare at the mirror. He looks up, sees his reflection and runs out of the room, shrieking.)  
Harry (sits on the bed, panting): Oh, God, I forgot. This will take a while to get used to.

A/N: There WILL be another (last) chapter posted up in a little while. I hope all of you are happy. Poor, poor characters. I have to put them through more torture. Oh well. Next chapter, see what happens at the potions class and the Quidditch game. Also, find out the end to our wonderful, wonderful Mary Sue story. By the way, Mary Sue will be back in the story the next chapter. Okay, I'll stop babbling now, and get to writing the fourth chapter. Don't leave me! Please wait for it! ~Genevieve.  
  



	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

(It's Potions class. Harry walks in, eyeing the students cautiously and carefully.)  
Harry (to himself): Don't look like they're really happy to be here, do they? Oh well. I'll show them. I'll be so much of a nicer teacher than Snape. They'll like me.  
(He walks to the front of the class and starts the lesson.)  
Harry: Today, we will make a very simple potion. The potion will drop a person's age 10 years for a time period of ten minutes. It only has five easy ingredients…  
(Suddenly, he feels a wad of gum, carefully engulfed in a spit-ball strike his forehead. He flinches with disgust wiping it off and glares at the class.)  
Harry (angry): Who did this?  
(Of course nobody answers. Not knowing how to handle the situation, Harry sighs.)  
Harry: Well, everyone knows what to do. Directions are on the board.   
(He turns to go to his (or rather Snape's) desk to sit down and feels another wad of gum strike the back of his head, except now it's in his hair. He turns sharply and glares. Numerous students giggle into their laps. He sighs and sits down, only to find that there is a whoopee cushion on his chair, which causes the students to go into more fits of giggles. He picks up the whoopee cushion and sits back down after throwing it out, not sure how to react. Tired, he leans on the chair's arm rest, feels a carefully-placed tack dig into his elbow and almost bursts out crying.)  
Harry (imagine Snape with tears running down his cheeks - isn't that such a sad image?): You horrible, horrible children! (the class erupts in an honest burst of laughter) Miserable, pathetic people! Immature freaks! (runs out of the room, sobbing. Malfoy high-fives Crabbe and Goyle. Mary Sue shoots him a death glare and runs after Harry. She goes into his room, where he sits with his head in his hands.)  
Mary Sue: It's okay, Harry. Give it a couple of days.   
Harry (lifting his head. He is surprised): Harry? How did you know?  
Mary Sue: Memory charms don't work on me. I know everything.  
Harry: Oh… Well, thank you, Mary Sue.   
(They hug. Emotional/romantic/inspirational movie-music plays in the background. They break apart.)  
Mary Sue (encouraged): Be strong, Harry! You can do it! You can destroy all your enemies and overcome all your… um… obstacles! You have the power! You have the will! You have the strength! You… (music stops suddenly. Voldemort pops out of his room with a violin in his hands.)  
Voldemort: Like my music, guys? I've been getting in touch with my artistic side the last few days…  
Mary Sue (with exasperation): You, like, totally ruined the moment!   
Voldemort (immediately looks sad): Oh. I'm sorry. I just… just… wanted to help. But if no one likes my music…  
Harry: Oh no! We love your music!  
Voldemort: It's okay. I understand. (He hangs his head and turns to go.)  
Harry: No! Wait! (Voldemort gives him another hurt look before leaving the room.)  
Harry (to Mary Sue): Look what you've done!  
Mary Sue: Well, I'm SORRY! I… wait a sec., who was that?  
Harry: Voldemort, of course! (sobs are heard in the other room) You made him cry!  
Mary Sue: VOLDEMORT? Are you kidding?  
Harry (angrily): Does it LOOK like I'm kidding?  
Mary Sue (importantly): Stand aside.  
Harry: Wh--

(Mary Sue marches right into Voldemort's room. Harry follows. Voldemort is seen sitting on the bed and patting his violin sorrowfully, saying "it's okay, it's okay.")  
Voldemort (looks up): What do you want?  
Mary Sue (importantly): I've come to defeat you, you evil murderous creature!  
Voldemort (confused): Who is a murderous evil creature?  
Mary Sue (strict): Stop pretending you're innocent and FIGHT LIKE A MAN!  
Voldemort: Oh dear.  
Harry: Mary Sue, maybe it's best to leave.  
Mary Sue: Leave?? NO! I'm not a coward! (to Voldy): Hear me? I'm not afraid of you, Voldemort!  
Voldemort: Well, that's good. You shouldn't be. I still want to know who the murderous evil creature is.   
Mary Sue: You!  
Voldemort: ME? But… (tears well up in eyes again) but why?  
Harry: Mary Sue… You're hurting him. He's not in the mood for being defeated today, you see. Maybe you should come back towards the end of the year. That's when I usually end up fighting and defeating him.  
Mary Sue: Well… okay. But we WILL meet again, Voldemort. (said menacingly)  
Voldemort (face brightens): Sure! I'd be happy to see you again!  
(Mary Sue gives him a death-look and walks out.)  
Voldemort (to Harry): What's with her?  
Harry (shrugs): I don't know. It's probably that time of the month.  
Voldemort (meaningfully): Ohhh.  
(Harry says good-bye to Voldemort and goes back to the class. Just as he is about to start teaching again, the bell rings and everyone scurries out. The only person that's left behind is Snape.)

Snape: Well, well, well. I see you're not doing so well.  
Harry: Oh, shut up.  
Snape (smirks): I bet you hoped to be a nicer teacher than I was.  
Harry (angrily): They'll pay for this!  
Snape: You're going to be just like me.   
Harry: No I'm not! (Snape shrugs and leaves. Harry sighs looking after him.) Yes I am.  
***  
(After all the classes are over, Professor Snape sits in a chair in the Gryffindor Common Room, gazing at the fire, as one by one all the students go off to bed. Finally, only he, Ron and Hermione are left. The two are playing a game of chess. Ron wins and they come over to Snape.)  
Hermione: What's wrong, Harry?  
Snape (startled): Huh? Oh, nothing, just thinking.  
Ron: Aren't you going to go visit that girl you met at Hogsmeade?  
Snape (his heart sinking as he remembers): Oh, yes. Sure.  
Ron: Well, you'd better hurry. It's almost time.  
Snape (with a regretful note that Ron doesn't catch): Is it?  
Ron: Yeah. You always go at 11:00.  
Snape: All right. (he takes the invisibility cloak) Bye.   
(Snape leaves through the portrait hole and walks to the Quidditch field, jumping at every sound. He gets there and starts looking for the Snitch.)  
Snape: Where's that bloody box?  
(Suddenly, very clearly, he hears a girl's voice in his mind.)

Voice: Hey, Harry. I've over here. Have you forgotten? The box is right under the uniforms.  
Snape: I must be going crazy. Maybe I should go see a doctor.  
Voce (laughing): No, Harry. You're not crazy. It's me, the Snitch. Remember.  
Snape (understanding, with horror): It's telepathic! (he desperately tries to think "Harry thoughts" so that the Snitch doesn't figure out who he is.)  
Snitch (in Snape's mind): Why are you suddenly calling me "it"?  
Snape: It's… uh… a habit Oliver's gotten me into. Sorry. (he finds the box, gets her out and sits down on the grass, watching as the Snitch flies laps around his head. He puts out his hand and it lands on his palm, giving his thumb a hug with its wings.)  
Snape (thinking, as tears well up in his eyes): It likes me!  
Snitch (with a dreamy sigh, inside Snape's mind): Of course I do.  
(Well, let's leave the two star-crossed lovers alone for the night. I'm guessing they need a little privacy, so even though I know you all would love to know what they did for the rest of the night, I'll just leave that up to your perverted little minds. As for me, I'll just be polite, turn my head, and look the other wa-- WHOA! On the other side of the field, under an old magnolia tree we see one MORE resemblance of Romeo and Juliet sitting and gazing at the sky. Out of curiosity, let's go and see who it is. One of them seems to be sporting a white beard. Hm… that's strange. It's still September - a little too early for Santa Claus, don't you think? Now, who else has a white beard? OH! I know! Dumbledore! This is getting interesting. And with him… someone young… athletically-built… can it be… OLIVER WOOD? I'm sorry I looked. Let's get out of here. Now.)

Okay, since this chapter is too long, it WON'T BE THE LAST. #5 will probably be the last but I'm not sure about that either. Keep reading please! I'll update shortly. And yes, Mary Sue WILL play a significant role in the end. 

~Genevieve.


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